Sonnet XVII

I came across this poem years ago when I saw the Robin Williams movie "Patch Adams" based off of a true story about a quirky doctor. It's my favorite poem and I think it greatly captures the way one feels when they honestly love another. Below the poem is a clip from "Patch Adams" of Patch 'Hunter' Adams reciting the poem to his lost love Corrine.

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

Can't Go Back Now

"Can't Go Back Now" by The Weepies. They're a husband-wife duo.

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

You'll Be Fine

"You'll be Fine" by Tim DeLaughter (of the Polyphonic Spree)

I'm surprised that a popular Showtime show like The United States of Tara has no soundtrack.. Nor can I find lyrics or a download (even on iTunes or isohunt) for this song.

Television

The best shows on television:

The Office

Weeds

Glee

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

True Blood

The United States of Tara

Community

Paranoia

There is a Ouija board in my closet and it is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I'm not a fan of Ouija boards because I have an over-active imagination and the idea of spirits, good and bad are one of my biggest fears.

Even though I'm petrified of the idea, I'm still incredibly interested in the paranormal. It all started when my Grandma let me watch The Poltergeist when I was 4. I remember it well. I have watched the movie recently, and compared to a lot of the horror movies these days, it really isn't that scary but still, I get creeped out. There's been an influx of absolutely terrifying scary movies lately, two being Paranormal Activity and the Fourth Kind. Both of those movies scared me so badly, I still have trouble getting them out of my head. The Fourth Kind isn't about ghosts but I'd still consider it in the "paranormal" realm because Aliens are "not normal". I recently succumbed and bought dark curtains for my bedroom window so nothing other-worldly cold stare in.

There are 3 instances in my life where something really scared me. The first was when I was 10 and I was awake late at night. I can't remember if I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep or if something had woke me up. But the sensor light on the front porch suddenly lit up and my heart jumped into my throat. The next thing that happened and that I'm 100% sure happened and wasn't a dream or my imagination was that someone whispered "Sarah". I didn't know whether to hide under my covers or make a run for it. Eventually ,I ran to my moms room and knocked on the door. I told her I had a bad dream but I wish I had told her what really happened. A few years later I told her.

Another time, I was up early at around 6am. I had stayed at my dads house. It was still dark outside and I was going into the kitchen to get some water. I walked past the opening to the living room and a torso shaped figure with no legs jumped from the middle of the stairs to the bottom. The figure looked like a sun-spot or when a camera flashes and there are spots in your vision. It was white like that. I'm not sure if what I saw was real or if it could have been explained by logic. Even before that instance I was nervous in that house.

The last time anything strange happened to me was around this time last year. It was the middle of the night and I woke up, a dark cloaked figure that resembled one of the Wraiths in the Lord of the Ring's movies floated to me. I watched it open my door then it came to my face and attempted to touch me with this dark grey boney, long, long nailed fingers. Before it touched me I tried to make a sound but all that came out was me trying to gasp in surprise but it was like I couldn't breath in to gasp, so it was a weird squeak sound. Then I woke up and figured it was a dream. I woke up and what was weird was that I was turned the opposite way in my bed. My feet were where my head usually was and my head was where my feet usually are. In my dream I was turned this way as well, but when I went to bed I was the right way. I hope to God that this was only a dream and not anything else. There is a long history behind my dream actually. People of all cultures have written about similar experiences in the past. It's called an "Old Hag" dream. Some people believe it's purely psychological and others say its alien abduction. I say that I probably won't sleep well tonight reminscing about it.

My Favorite Song

The World Spins Madly On- The Weepies

This is my favorite song. It's a cute video...coincidentally made out of clay.

My Postsecrets

I simply remember my favorite things...

I won't say that things are bad because they aren't, but time is moving faster than I'd like and my house is dirty. It puts me in a morose state of mind where I begin to question just about everything. So, in the spirit of keeping up my spirits and as a tribute to the song "My Favorite Things", here are a few of my favorite things at the moment:

10. Walmart's $5 Movie Bin

There has been a lot of good movies in there lately. This week I've bought Clueless, The Wedding Date, Dazed and Confused, Rat Race, and Footloose. Brandon got Where the Fuck is Santa (Bam Margera) and this stupid home-movie of a bunch of ass holes doing donuts on their motorcycles. All together we spent $35 on 7 movies. Pretty good deal.

9. uTorrent

Though some people would disagree with using a downloading program for illegal purposes, I have no qualms with it. Actresses and Actors make too much money, like sports stars. It's becoming a joke. This also goes for musicians. uTorrent is weary of viruses, thus I've had none so far. It's better than Limewire, Kazaa, or whatever else people are using.

8. Burt's Bees: Almond Milk Beeswax Hand Creme

I have issues with dry, irritated, allergic-to-something-still-unknown feet. The skin peels off in mass quantities and in places where the skin is still alive. It really hurts whether I'm walking on them or not. This hand creme is so good because its incredibly thick, penetrating, and super greasy. I scoop out a few fingers full and coat the soles of my feet with it then I put on socks to keep it soaking in all night. It really helps and my feet feel much better until another bout of the unknown comes along. It isn't so good for hands though since it is so greasy.

7. Ebay

I have scored some really neat, cheap items from good ol' Ebay. I was weary at first because of scams and Identity Theft but paypal has been really great and secure. I even have trouble accessing the account sometimes (which is good but also annoying). Once you buy one thing from Ebay, I guarantee you'll be addicted. It's a lot of fun in the middle of the night when I have insomnia and my debit card.

6. My Computer

I love my computer because it was custom built with my interests in mind. It has so much space on it that I will never fill it up. I have at least 30 movies on here and I'm not even at the halfway mark when it comes to space. If you are going to invest in a Desktop PC you should go the long route and specify what is most important to you or even pay a geek to build it instead. I haven't taken a photo of my computer so here is a photo my computer took of me instead.

5. The Duggar's

Who are the Duggar's and why do I love them? The Duggar's are a conservative Southern Baptist family residing in Arkansas. Jim Bob (dad) and Michelle (mom) have 18 children and Michelle is pregnant with the 19th now. All of the girls wear jean skirts and modest shirts and the boys usually wear colored polos and slacks. They are all home schooled around their gigantic kitchen table in their gigantic house by Michelle (mom). The reason I love them so much is because, even though they are incredibly religious, they are still real people.  They show kindness, don't push their religion, and never raise their voices. Their ideas about family life are the best I've ever seen and I've learned a lot from them. All of their kids have turned out respectful, honest, kind, and even fun. I don't agree with everything the family has done/said, but they've taught me that there are people behind the religion they believe in. People that deserve a chance rather than for me to close the book on them after finding out their ideas about life.

4. TLC after 2 PM

Honestly, I love TLC but only after A Baby Story, Birth Day, and What Not to Wear are over, which is sometime after 2 pm. I can only watch so many women go into labor on A Baby Story and Birth Day before it becomes the same thing over and over: lady after lady refusing an epidural then screaming in agony and realizing they were being snobs. What Not to Wear is the same thing over and over too: Stacy London bitching at some poor fashion victim and then a lot of shopping. But after those shows are the interesting ones about the Duggar's, 1000 pound mexican men, beauty queens, wedding dresses, "little people", and baby prostitutes. It is my guilt pleasure.

3. Hello Kitty

I have no idea why I like anything with Hello Kitty's face on it but I do. I feel sort of addicted. I wouldn't be surprised if Sanrio sprinkled crack on all Hello Kitty products. That red and white together plus a bow just gets me feeling excited.

2. The Office (US Version)

I love the Office because they were there for me when I didn't want anyone to be. I spent a lot time sitting alone forgetting about my present situations by chilling out and listening to the musings of Michael Scott and Dwight K. Shrute. The characters, the Office jingle, and small paper companies will always hold a special place in my heart.

1. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

I love Grilled Cheese sandwiches because they are easy to make, the ultimate comfort food, and covered in butter. They are also the only way I find American cheese to taste good and it tastes damn good between two greasy slabs of warm carbs.

So these are my favorite things right now. If I start to have a bad day or lay awak at night thinking of future events I would like to delete from my fate, I will do one of these things and probably feel better. I don't guarantee they'll stay in this order or even on this list but that makes life more fun.

Baby Prostitutes

If you watch TLC then you've probably seen commercials (or even the show itself) for "Toddlers and Tiaras". If not, the show follows various little girls from all over the United States as they put on fake eye lashes, false teeth, hair pieces, make up, and get spray tans in order to be crowned "The Grand Supreme" (mmm...reminds me of Taco Bell!) in beauty pageants.

The girls who enter these "competitions" range in personality from genuinely sweet to raging toddlers bitches. Usually you find out by the end of the show that TLC isn't condoning child beauty pageants but instead shedding light on America's most perverse house wife hobby. In fact, TLC has to do absolutely nothing but sit back and watch as the toddlers' mothers dig themselves a nasty hole. Obviously, these parents are brain-less for agreeing to be on the show as none of them come out looking like sane moms.

In the worst display of parenting I've seen on this show, the TLC crew follows the Sterling twins. They are twin girls with common names spruced up by random capitalization (AshLyn and BreAnne) that compete against each other in every pageant they enter. In the clip below, it is obvious who the mother favors:




Not included in the clip are scenes where the mother puts AshLyn in a ripped dress, BreAnne tells AshLyn she is better than her, and the mom says "I'm surprised AshLyn won something" upon winning the neatest award, "Director's Choice".

The first that comes to mind when I think of beauty pageants is the Jon Benet murder. The little girl was looked at like a sex object and murdered by a deranged pedophile. Don't these parents know that there is someone in the audience looking at their little girls and imagining places they could fit their dick?

Being a parent of a little girl, she will never enter into any competition that involves toddlers strutting their baby asses on stage in a bikini and lip stick. It begs me to ask what the point of pageants even are? Pageant directors and pageant moms say that it is a great way for their kids to gain confidence and make friends. Lies. Children can do that playing soccer, in school, by taking a ballet class, and even on the jungle gym. The point of beauty pageants is to tell everyone you have the sexiest 5 year old.

On that note, if you haven't seen "Little Miss Sunshine" get to your nearest Blockbuster.

Today was drab.

Today was drab. It lightly rained all day, the sun never broke through the thick cloud cover, and I couldn't find my flippy floppies anywhere. I needed them to get our very large garbage can from the end of street and I was pressed for time as we are charged $25 for not having our trash bins in before 5pm. I wore Brandon's giant man slippers instead.

I took two online exams for a class that I am going to ultimately fail, but I figured I would at least try. Lily pooped on the floor while I was on the phone. That was before I washed her high-chair from top to bottom. I didn't get dressed beyond clean pajamas nor did I do my hair (since Brandon broke my hair dryer when he opened it up to "work on the wires").

I like drab days.


In other news, I've found the key to love and happiness... LARD. I guess looking like I eat lard isn't good enough?